What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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