What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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