What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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