What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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