What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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