What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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