What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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