What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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