What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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