What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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