What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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