What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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