What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!

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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.

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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.

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