What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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