What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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