What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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