What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What did the baby corn ask the mother corn?

Where is pop corn?
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Why is b always cool?

Because it's between ac.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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