What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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