What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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