What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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