What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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