What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.


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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.

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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.

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