What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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