What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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