What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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