What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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