What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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