What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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