What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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