What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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