What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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