What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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