What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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