What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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