What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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