What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.

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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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