What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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