What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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