What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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