What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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