What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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