What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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