What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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