What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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