What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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