What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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