What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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