What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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