What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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