What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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