What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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