What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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