What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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