What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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