What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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