What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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