What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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