What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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