What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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