What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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