What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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