What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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