What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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