What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Dorian Gray Jokes,

they never get old!
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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