What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.

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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.

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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.

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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.

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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.

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