What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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