What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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