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What did the necktie say to the hat?
You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?
Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,
but I don't want one of them for my husband".
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?
A crossing guard.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?
A Moo-sician!
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?
Wet feet.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite
He said NaBrO
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.
But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What music does cheese listen to?
R & Brie.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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