What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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