What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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