What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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