What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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