What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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