What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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