What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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