What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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