What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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