What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.

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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.


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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"

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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.

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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore

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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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