What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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