What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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