What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.

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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.

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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.

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