What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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