What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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