What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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