What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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