What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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