What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.

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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.

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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.

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