What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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