What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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