What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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