What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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