What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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