What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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