What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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