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What did the one penny say to the other penny?
We make perfect cents.
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Why did the TV cross the road?
Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.
Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?
Scarespray!
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?
Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?
Frosted Flakes!
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What do you call a cow that twitches?
Beef jerky
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?
Because he wanted to tie the score!
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?
Hair Force One!
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?
A chili dog on a bun.
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