What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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