What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."

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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card

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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.

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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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