What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.

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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.

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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.

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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark

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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.

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