What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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