What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split

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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.

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