What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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