What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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