What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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