What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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