What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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