What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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