What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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