What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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