What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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