What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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