What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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