What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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