What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.

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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.

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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine

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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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