What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop

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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?

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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.

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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.

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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.

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