What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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