What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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