What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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