What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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