What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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