What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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