What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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