What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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