What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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