What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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