What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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