What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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