What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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