What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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