What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.

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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."

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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.

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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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