What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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