What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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