What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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