What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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