What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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