What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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