What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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