What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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