What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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