What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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