What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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