What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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