What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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