What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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