What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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