What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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