What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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