What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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