What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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