What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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