What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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