What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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