What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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