What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That isn't funny!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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