What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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