What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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