What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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