What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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