What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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