What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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