What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkansas.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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