What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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