What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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