What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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