What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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