What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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