What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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