What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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