What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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