What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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