What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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