What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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