What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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