What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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