What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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