What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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