What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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