What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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