What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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