What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.

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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.

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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.

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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g

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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"

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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.

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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

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