What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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