What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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