What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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