What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.

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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.

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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.

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