What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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