What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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