What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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