What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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