What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?

Ihop
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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