What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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