What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.

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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.

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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos

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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.

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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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