What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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