What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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