What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.

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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.

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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.

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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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