What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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A seal walks into a club...
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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