What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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