What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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