What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?

This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile . . .
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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