What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.

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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck

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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut

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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.

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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.

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