What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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