What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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