What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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