What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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