What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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