What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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