What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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