What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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