What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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