What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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