What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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