What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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