What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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