What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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