What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.

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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkansas.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon

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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.

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