What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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