What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky

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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.

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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!

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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.

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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards

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