What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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