What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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