What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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