What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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