What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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