What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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