What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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