What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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