What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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