What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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