What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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