What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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