What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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