What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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