What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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