What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.

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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine

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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.

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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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