What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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