What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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