What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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