What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile

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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink

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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.

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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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