What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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Dorian Gray Jokes,

they never get old!
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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