What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkansas.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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