What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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