What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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