What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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