What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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