What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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