What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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