What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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