What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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