What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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