What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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