What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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