What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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