What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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