What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Which search engine is popular amongst mice?

Ask Cheese.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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