What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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