What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?

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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!

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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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