What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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