What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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