What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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