What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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