What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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