What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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