What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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