What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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