What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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