What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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