What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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