What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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