What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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