What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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