What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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