What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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