What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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