What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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