What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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