What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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