What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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