What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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