What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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