What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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