What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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