What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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