What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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