What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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