What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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