What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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