What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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