What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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