What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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