What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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