What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.

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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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