What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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