What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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