What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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