What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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