What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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