What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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