What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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