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What did the snowman say to the customer?
Have an ice day!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.
The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?
To get his quarterback.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.
It’s Hans free.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can't tuna fish.
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Why is slippery ice like music?
If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!
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Why did the cow cross the road?
Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?
2 years old.
Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What do you call two banana peels?
Slippers.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?
Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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