What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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