What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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