What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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