What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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