What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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