What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.

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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop

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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.

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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.

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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet

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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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