What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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