What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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