What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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