What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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