What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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