What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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