What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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