What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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