What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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