What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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