What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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