What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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