What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.

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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean

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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.

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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.

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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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