What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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