What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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