What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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