What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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