What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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