What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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