What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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