What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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