What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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