What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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