What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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