What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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