What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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