What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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