What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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