What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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