What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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