What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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