What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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