What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.

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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.

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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.

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