What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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