What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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