What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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