What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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