What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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