What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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