What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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