What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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