What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Name four men that are in a rock group together but none of them sing nor play music...

Mt Rushmore. They're a rock group.. it's a rock...group
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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