What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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