What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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