What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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