What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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