What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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