What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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