What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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