What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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