What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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