What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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