What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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