What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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