What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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