What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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