What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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