What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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