What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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