What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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