What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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