What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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A seal walks into a club...
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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