What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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