What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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