What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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