What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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