What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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