What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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