What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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