What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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