What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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