What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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