What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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