What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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