What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.
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