What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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