What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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