What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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