What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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