What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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