What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?

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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.

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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.

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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.

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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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