What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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