What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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