What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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