What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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