What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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