What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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