What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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