What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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