What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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