What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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