What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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