What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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