What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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