What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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