What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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