What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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