What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.

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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.

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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.

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