What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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