What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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