What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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