What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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