What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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