What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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