What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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