What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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