What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What is a boxer's favorite drink?

Punch.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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