What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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