What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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