What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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