What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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