What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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