What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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