What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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