What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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