What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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