What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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