What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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