What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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