What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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