What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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