What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze

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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."

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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.

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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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