What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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