What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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