What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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