What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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