What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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