What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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