What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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