What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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