What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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