What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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