What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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