What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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