What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).


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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.

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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.

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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.

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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.


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