What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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