What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?

Ihop
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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