What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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