What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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