What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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