What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!

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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.

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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.

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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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