What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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