What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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