What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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