What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?

Ihop
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