What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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