What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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