What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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