What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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