What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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