What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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