What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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