What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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