What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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