What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!

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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?

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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.

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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".

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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday

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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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