What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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