What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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