What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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