What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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