What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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