What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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