What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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