What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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