What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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