What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth

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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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