What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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