What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.

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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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