What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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