What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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