What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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