What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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