What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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