What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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