What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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