What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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