What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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