What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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