What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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