What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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