What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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