What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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