What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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