What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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