What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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