What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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