What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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