What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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