What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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