What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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