What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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