What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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