What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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