What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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