What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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