What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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