What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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