What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas

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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper

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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!

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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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