What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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Which search engine is popular amongst mice?

Ask Cheese.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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