What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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