What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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