What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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