What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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