What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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