What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What did the baby corn ask the mother corn?

Where is pop corn?
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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