What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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