What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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