What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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Why is b always cool?

Because it's between ac.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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