What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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