What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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