What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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