What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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