What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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