What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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