What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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