What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What would you call a humorous knee?

Fun-ny!
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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