What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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