What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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