What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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