What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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