What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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