What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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