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What do envelopes say when you lick them?
Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?
A rash of good luck.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?
Every year!
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What do Santa's elves drive?
Minivans.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?
You can count on me!
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What clothes does a house wear?
Address.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?
Because it's in the ground state.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?
He was in shock for a week.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?
"Trike or Treat"?
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