What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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