What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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