What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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