What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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