What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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