What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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