What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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