What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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