What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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