What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Name four men that are in a rock group together but none of them sing nor play music...

Mt Rushmore. They're a rock group.. it's a rock...group
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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