What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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