What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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