What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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