What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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