What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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