What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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