What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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