What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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