What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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