What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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