What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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