What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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