What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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