What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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