What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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