What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What is a boxer's favorite drink?

Punch.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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