What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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