What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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