What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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