What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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