What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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