What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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