What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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