What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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