What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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