What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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