What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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