What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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