What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.

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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.

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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth

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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.

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