What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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