What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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