What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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