What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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