What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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