What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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