What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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