What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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