What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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