What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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