What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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