What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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