What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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