What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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