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What do envelopes say when you lick them?
Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."
The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?
A watch dog.
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Why do pandas like old movies?
Because they are black and white.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me
Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do ghosts eat for supper?
Spooketi
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?
In their Sleevies!
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?
OH SNaP!
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?
With a cowculator.
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What's a royal pardon?
It's what the queen says after she burps.
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