What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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