What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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