What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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