What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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