What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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