What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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