What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink

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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...

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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats

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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit

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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.

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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.

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