What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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