What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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