What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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