What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.

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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.

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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.

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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink

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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals

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