What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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