What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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