What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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