What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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