What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.

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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!

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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah

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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.

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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!

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