What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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