What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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