What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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