What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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