What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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