What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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