What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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