What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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