What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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