What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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