What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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