What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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