What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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