What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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