What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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