What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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