What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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