What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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