What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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