What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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