What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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