What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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