What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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