What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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