What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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