What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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