What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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