What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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