What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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