What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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