What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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