What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!

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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.

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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.

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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos

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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish

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