What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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What did the baby corn ask the mother corn?

Where is pop corn?
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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