What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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