What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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