What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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