What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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