What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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