What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.

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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.

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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.

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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.

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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.

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