What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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