What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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