What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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