What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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