What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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