What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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