What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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