What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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