What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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