What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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