What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.

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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.

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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.

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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.

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