What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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