What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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