What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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