What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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