What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.


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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.

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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."

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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."

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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess

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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.

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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.

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