What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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