What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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