What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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