What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What would you call a humorous knee?

Fun-ny!
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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