What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).


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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .

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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.

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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.


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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish

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