What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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Why is b always cool?

Because it's between ac.
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