What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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