What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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