What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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