What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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