What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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