What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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