What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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