What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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