What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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