What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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