What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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