What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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