What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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