What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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