What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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