What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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