What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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