What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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