What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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