What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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