What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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