What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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