What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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