What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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