What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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