What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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