What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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