What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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