What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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