What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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