What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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