What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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