What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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