What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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