What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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