What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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