What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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