What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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