What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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