What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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