What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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