What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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