What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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