What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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