What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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