What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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