What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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