What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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