What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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