What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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