What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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