What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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