What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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