What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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