What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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