What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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