What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What did the baby corn ask the mother corn?

Where is pop corn?
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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