What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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