What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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