What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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