What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What is a boxer's favorite drink?

Punch.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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