What do planets like to read?

Comet books!

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed

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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.

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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.

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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!

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