What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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