What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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