What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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