What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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