What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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