What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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