What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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