What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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