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What do postal workers do when they're mad?
They stamp their feet.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?
Lunch and dinner.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?
A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?
Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?
A baboom
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?
Its shadow
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?
Terrorists have sympathizers
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?
A rash of good luck.
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Where do you get whales weighed?
At the Whale-weigh station.
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