What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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A seal walks into a club...
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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