What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The darkness will cause the bulb to change by itself.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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