What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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