What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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