What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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