What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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