What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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