What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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