What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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