What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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